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"We received so many meals, cards, gift cards, and flowers in the first few weeks after our daughter died. The flowers made the house smell amazing, but they took up half of our dining room table. The cards I eventually put into a photo album so I could re-read the condolensces and sweet notes people had written to us. The meals and gift cards allowed us to not have to cook or buy groceries for two solid months.
Our family and church friends provided amazing support to us during those dark times. People were constantly asking us how they could help. Which, at the time, we had no idea what we needed that could possibly help. More alcohol? Some Xanax? Just kidding. But seriously, sometimes a change of pace was needed. Anything to help me feel supported and loved, whether it was at home doing housework or out running errands."
The Dos
- Check in on them
- Understand the grieving process - let them cry
- Ask questions, when appropriate
- Be willing to sit in silence - listen more, talk less
- Remember important dates
The Don'ts
- Don't be afriad to talk about the deceased person
- Don't diminish their grief or try to fix them
- Don't draw comparisons to your experience unless appropriate
- Don't comment on their appearance
- Don't push your faith on them
- Avoid platitudes
Acts of Service
1. Schedule a coffee or lunch date - even if it's just for a little bit, community matters
2. Attend or help with the funeral/memorial service - it means a great deal to the parents if you show up to the service
3. Start a food train - www.mealtrain.com is a great option. You can send gift cards instead of cooking a meal which can be super convenient.
4. A couple's massage or photoshoot - this is a great idea if the parents' anniversary is coming up, but it can be a very intimate time for the parents to savor some moments together.
5. Schedule a yard cleanup crew - rake the leaves or mow the lawn, trim the hedges, spread mulch
6. Run some errands, fold laundry, clean house - check to see if the mom wants to run some errands with you as support. But you can always run them for the family.
7. Babysit - If the family already has kids you can offer to babysit for a night.
8. Send them a gift - the sky's the limit in terms of gifts, but try to make it unique and special
9. Quality time (puzzle/game/movie night) - have the parents over for a night to hang out and maybe laugh a little.
10. Donate to a cause that is dear to them - we asked for donations to the children's hospital be made in our daughter's honor in lieu of flowers.
For long-distance support: A great post by The Recovery Village on reminders about helping a grieving friend:
Gifts
Thoughtful Gifts For Moms:
- A custom piece of jewelry with their baby’s name or birthstone, or a "mama" necklace
- A miscarriage "Forget Me Not" necklace
- A candle or ornament personalized with a name or date
- A grief journal or devotional
- A custom family portrait
- A donation to a meaningful cause or nonprofit (like Gemma’s Hope) in their baby’s name
- A simple card that says, “I remember.”
- A sweatshirt for their "angel baby"
Thoughtful Gifts For Dads:
- A keychain or bracelet engraved with their child’s name or initials
- A custom woodwork piece—something practical yet meaningful
- Plant a tree in their memory or order a garden stone
- A book or podcast recommendation that speaks to grief and fatherhood
- Time—invite him to coffee or to do something he enjoys, and just be there
- A custom tshirt with their baby's name & birthday
- A sweatshirt for their "angel baby"
Ways to Honor These Days:
- Light a candle on Bereaved Mother’s or Father’s Day in remembrance
- Wear a t-shirt or jewelry with your baby’s name
- Share a photo or post online with their name or a memory
- Visit a special place or create a ritual that’s yours
- Attend or host a gathering with others who understand
If you are a bereaved mom or dad reading this: You are a parent. Your love is valid and visible, even if your arms are empty. Whether you celebrate one day or all of them, whether you need space or connection, know that your story matters and your child is remembered.
Physical & E-Cards
- Papyrus E-cards from OptionB.org: Father's Day & Mother's Day
- Card from Lucky Anchor Project (deadline is April 15th or 200 cards)
- Physical Card from Seed & Sew
- Free printable cards for moms & dads
